i have to confess i absolutely love domestic life. i know that sounds like a sentence that leads in to an ultra-boring blog post about my drama free quiet current state of being. i apologize & i promise i'll try to make it more interesting.
i dont really like routine, i am still feeling the travel bug (which has turned into like a travel rash the need is so strong) but matt and i are really enjoying married life, it is bliss for us right now. my favorite part of the day is when he walks in the door, and going for a run together, making dinner, having a beer and watching one of our billion reality tv shoes on tivo.
when you are happy & in happy times like we are right now, i think you get a little lazy in your own contentment. kinda like a passive 'im doing great im not going to interact with anything hard so i can keep it simple and be as-is.' and you completely lose sight of things, news articles become numbers, 1583 killed in darfur in last few weeks... thousands of children killed in earthquaked china... 560 million wasted on failed iraq reconstruction efforts... and you gravitate toward watercooler articles like Batman grossing an unprecedented $300 million and the identity of banksy revealed, or some controversial statement made by the great aunt of a presidential candidate's wife that we should all debate about.
it just gets to be like -- forgive me because in my own opinion i want to bring light to this mentality -- people start becoming numb, ignoring iraq articles and darfur articles because it's like another day, another death toll. every once in a while it gets you but we just cant conceive of what it would feel like to have our child walking home from the fields in afghanistan only to never return because of one of hundreds of landmines still blanketing the area. we just dont know what that feels like for the mother.
its that kind of realization that ignites passion in me, at least. when i finally put a face to a number. but in my frustration that is why i feel guilt about my contentment right now. because i know i cannot rest and cannot pretend to live so easily without the weight of somebody-i-dont-know-halfway-around-the-world's pain on my shoulders.
which brings me to one of my favorite favorite people, the greek historian thucydides. i know quotes are cliche and usually just make us think for a flicker of 10 seconds but from time to time, i encourage you to medidate on this one. allow me to paraphrase: justice will not come to Athens until those who are not injured are as outraged as those who are.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Thursday, July 10, 2008
kick starting the old blog
i'm back.
after a hiatus that lasted nearly a year -- i have moved back to san diego, Matt and I got married exactly two months ago (and as of today, we began dating exactly six years ago), i have been working, and setting my sights on the next wave.
i feel a little bit like i'm on a big surfboard waiting for the next wave, quite literally, and my feet are getting cold (no pun intended re: the aforementioned nuptuals), and i keep mistaking the seaweed at my feet for scary things like sharks and rays.
the things going right are our marriage -- its fantastic, fun, and just about every other positive adjective out there -- our apartment -- which is so nicely put together considering the two disorganized procrastinators Matt and I are naturally. it's located right on the bay, and we have these great beach cruisers so we can bike pretty much everywhere. it makes for a fun laid-back lifestyle, potentially.
if it weren't for work. i am now in fundraising, and it is tough on me in a number of ways. i feel challenged and i'm learning a ton, i just don't feel good enough. and when you feel inadequate 8 hours a day, it somehow manages to affect how you feel the rest of the day. the hardest part is my time both outside of work and without matt there distracting me. it is those times that it becomes apparent my lack of girl friends in san diego. though i love calling madeleine in boston and safa in texas and my other friends up north, it just isn't the same as having a girls night every once in a while. i miss that more than anything.
and i miss the uncomplicated lifestyle that i had in africa exactly a year ago -- exactly a year ago i was just arriving at the village of nyakasiru in uganda.
even though on the surface everything appears right, it just doesn't feel right. i feel like i'm supposed to be somewhere else right now. i know we need to stay here -- save money, matt has classes to take, and so on -- but i don't like this waiting game. matt reminded me last night about a quote denzel washington is known to teach to his kids: "you have to do what you gotta do so you can do what you wanna do." i just don't like hearing that quote right now.
so i'm starting this again to address why. why i find the contentment i once had to be giving way to feelings of inadequacy, pressure, stress, anxiousness. i hope that i can find (as i usually do) in my own words, a roadmap for recovery.
suzy
after a hiatus that lasted nearly a year -- i have moved back to san diego, Matt and I got married exactly two months ago (and as of today, we began dating exactly six years ago), i have been working, and setting my sights on the next wave.
i feel a little bit like i'm on a big surfboard waiting for the next wave, quite literally, and my feet are getting cold (no pun intended re: the aforementioned nuptuals), and i keep mistaking the seaweed at my feet for scary things like sharks and rays.
the things going right are our marriage -- its fantastic, fun, and just about every other positive adjective out there -- our apartment -- which is so nicely put together considering the two disorganized procrastinators Matt and I are naturally. it's located right on the bay, and we have these great beach cruisers so we can bike pretty much everywhere. it makes for a fun laid-back lifestyle, potentially.
if it weren't for work. i am now in fundraising, and it is tough on me in a number of ways. i feel challenged and i'm learning a ton, i just don't feel good enough. and when you feel inadequate 8 hours a day, it somehow manages to affect how you feel the rest of the day. the hardest part is my time both outside of work and without matt there distracting me. it is those times that it becomes apparent my lack of girl friends in san diego. though i love calling madeleine in boston and safa in texas and my other friends up north, it just isn't the same as having a girls night every once in a while. i miss that more than anything.
and i miss the uncomplicated lifestyle that i had in africa exactly a year ago -- exactly a year ago i was just arriving at the village of nyakasiru in uganda.
even though on the surface everything appears right, it just doesn't feel right. i feel like i'm supposed to be somewhere else right now. i know we need to stay here -- save money, matt has classes to take, and so on -- but i don't like this waiting game. matt reminded me last night about a quote denzel washington is known to teach to his kids: "you have to do what you gotta do so you can do what you wanna do." i just don't like hearing that quote right now.
so i'm starting this again to address why. why i find the contentment i once had to be giving way to feelings of inadequacy, pressure, stress, anxiousness. i hope that i can find (as i usually do) in my own words, a roadmap for recovery.
suzy
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