i'm back.
after a hiatus that lasted nearly a year -- i have moved back to san diego, Matt and I got married exactly two months ago (and as of today, we began dating exactly six years ago), i have been working, and setting my sights on the next wave.
i feel a little bit like i'm on a big surfboard waiting for the next wave, quite literally, and my feet are getting cold (no pun intended re: the aforementioned nuptuals), and i keep mistaking the seaweed at my feet for scary things like sharks and rays.
the things going right are our marriage -- its fantastic, fun, and just about every other positive adjective out there -- our apartment -- which is so nicely put together considering the two disorganized procrastinators Matt and I are naturally. it's located right on the bay, and we have these great beach cruisers so we can bike pretty much everywhere. it makes for a fun laid-back lifestyle, potentially.
if it weren't for work. i am now in fundraising, and it is tough on me in a number of ways. i feel challenged and i'm learning a ton, i just don't feel good enough. and when you feel inadequate 8 hours a day, it somehow manages to affect how you feel the rest of the day. the hardest part is my time both outside of work and without matt there distracting me. it is those times that it becomes apparent my lack of girl friends in san diego. though i love calling madeleine in boston and safa in texas and my other friends up north, it just isn't the same as having a girls night every once in a while. i miss that more than anything.
and i miss the uncomplicated lifestyle that i had in africa exactly a year ago -- exactly a year ago i was just arriving at the village of nyakasiru in uganda.
even though on the surface everything appears right, it just doesn't feel right. i feel like i'm supposed to be somewhere else right now. i know we need to stay here -- save money, matt has classes to take, and so on -- but i don't like this waiting game. matt reminded me last night about a quote denzel washington is known to teach to his kids: "you have to do what you gotta do so you can do what you wanna do." i just don't like hearing that quote right now.
so i'm starting this again to address why. why i find the contentment i once had to be giving way to feelings of inadequacy, pressure, stress, anxiousness. i hope that i can find (as i usually do) in my own words, a roadmap for recovery.
suzy
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2 comments:
*hug!!!* It's good to have a place you like this where you can talk to us!
Hi Suz
I am back in UK after my think its 9th visit to Uganda - Since my children have become adults (now have 4 grandkids!) I have travelled to many different countries - but since my first visit to Uganda over 4 years ago have not gone anywhere else. Was browsing & came across your Blog - sooo interesting. I tried to find Teach Inn but was unsuccessful - although must have been pretty close. I have set up a project near Ntungamo - Itojo - Ruhanga) on main Kabale Road - called Uganda Lodge. Its for the benefit of the local community - and my idea too is to attract tourists and especially volunteers who may be able to enhance the lives of some of the local villagers. We have opened also a Nursery school (about 40 kids and just one teacher) but my main goal was too get the accomodation up to a standard where Muzungus are happy to stay.
As you say - so many wanting help - and each of us can do just a little bit.
I am not working with any NGO's or big companies such as i-to-i although have set up a CBO (Commuunity) My plan is to simply charge a volunteer 20,000 per day (less than £50 pounds per week) for their fod and accomodation (in bandas or room at back of main house) That will give us a profit to continue upgrading the place -= and if they wish to do additional fund-raising either before or afterwards their money will be spent exactly how they wish ( by themselves if they bring extra with them!)
I know since starting Uganda Lodge most of my spending money has gone into the local hardware shop
See our website at www.ugandalodge.com
Would love to get an email from you - ann@annmccarthy.co.uk and maybe chat on the phone sometime
Best Regards
Ann
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