the secret to our joy

i've just been thinking about how i want to share this little tidbit with some people.
matt and i have been together for quite some time now, five months of marriage after six years of relationship (give or take). and we are really happy. i mean very content, happy in our marriage; if ever we are sad and down its for reasons outside each other ..usually. we actually had very little doubts going into our wedding day, it felt natural and right. i actually felt so excited and so warm-footed the months before our big day, i thought something was wrong with me. we are just content. this is true ... i wouldn't dare post this if it wasn't! :)

i think when listing things that lead to a happy relationship and/or marriage, a few years ago, i might've said "honesty," "trust," "communication" (haha, okay, ALL very important things nonetheless) ... but there is just one little thing that has really tipped the scales in our favor, in addition to those things of course.

that what makes our time together so happy and special is -- simply put -- our time apart.
in our whole relationship we've valued more than anything an almost unusual prioritizing of our friendships alongside our relationship. yes, our relationship is #1. but when there is a friend in need in either of our lives, we are there. not only that, we encourage each other to BE there. if matt had a friend in need, i'd actually be mad if he was with me. we go out with our own friends at least one night a weekend if not two, we build friendships that can carry us like life rafts when we need it -- i have sisterhoods that will last a lifetime, friendships with women just as crucial to my development as my husband. yes, i said "just as" not "almost as."

i think a lot of people find it funny matt and i have spent the majority of our new year's eves apart -- even in different cities -- by choice. our halloweens apart, and so on. i'm sure some couples might find something awry or bizarre about it. but this is what works for us. why? because we truly, truly value our time together and don't take a moment for granted. we can sit down at dinner and tell stories about our own independent lives, and always have something to talk about. we are never sick of each other, we are just a team going forward in this life who pledged to one another to always BE that sounding board. and we enjoy that. and we intend to keep it that way as long as our friends will have us :)

our time apart is what truly keeps us together. our support system of friendships outside our marriage and relationship is the secret to what's within our marriage. i can honestly say this with conviction. no matter how much you hang out with that person you love, you are human and will get sick of them like anyone else. and if you dont have fifty friends on speed dial, go to a coffee shop and read a book. or blog like my dorky self. but be independent, develop your own person, then come together to share that person with the one you love. seriously give it a shot. it might just be your secret too!


matt in australia. clearly lost and suzless.


suz in zanzibar. clearly mattless but with cocoa, a distant relative of milk chocolate, and therefore an adequate substitute for matt.