Sunday, January 17, 2010
haiti
maybe just spoiled to feel the sunlight, to know i can choose it of and in this day to be a part of it to laugh in it to mask it with lotion to feel the wind dry my skin, only to pull my sweater on, let my hair catch the wind, and escape it for a roof, a stove, comforts of a blanket, of warmth i can trust, i am free in my privacy, i have it i can feel it, i can be free in it, and i look across several nations and a sea to imagine the moonlit sky of quiet tears rolling, ones the child cannot bury inside, no pillow for him to bury his face in, just dirt and the stench reminder that life may never be private again, life may never seem long again, there is no longer safety or anyone to care for me but here i am in a sea of bodies producing tears, a sea of tattered clothing and hearts barely beating because they lack the motivation, what is life without love? my mother and father? what is this hell i am in, why should i live, i wish i was buried too, surviving has to be more of a curse, i am breathing i suppose but hope is diminishing, my mouth is dry my stomach bloated my moves exhausting, soon i must drink my own tears, i must recycle my pain to feed my pain, ive no sight ahead it isnt a tunnel i wish it were for then i could feel alone for a moment, long enough to feel safe, to grab a hold of my thoughts and perhaps dig into hope, but i am stuck in survival mode, i want to give up, something biological pushing the "go." go button but i would do anything to turn it off, my heart would, my head would, my physical presence perseveres but everything within has given up. logic says it will never be okay, it was hard enough to fill our bellies before, now i have no family to look after me, no safety, i have open wounds, i have no water or food, i have no home, i haven't even finished primary school, i've no way to get a job, i cannot even fathom a way to survive without someone handing me aid. imagine my life completely depends on someone giving me free keys for survival. i just don't know if i even want it. i just want to shut my eyes, the moon is so bright and so full, i want it to go away, i want to cover my face, i want to feel silence and darkness, i want to stop seeing the faces of my mother and father alive when i shut my eyes, i want to stop hearing the cries in the crowd and feeling the sweat of bodies in mass, i want to stop smelling the stench of death, i must close my eyes and recall a time and place - an open field, my grandfather's mango trees, i sit among them i shut my eyes i squeeze them tight and drift off into a shallow sleep, praying in my heart that my body just gives up quietly tonight... please body, please give up, i cannot bear the hopelessness, i cannot bear life alone... let me feel the silence, lay me quietly, help me fade...
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
my new post on the kf blog!
Check it out! :)
http://fellowsblog.kiva.org/2009/11/10/why-me/
Besos,
Suzy
http://fellowsblog.kiva.org/2009/11/10/why-me/
Besos,
Suzy
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
that it would look like this
i never thought it. never thought for a second it even could.
im blown away by so many things, things i have witnessed, things in the world, things in my life, we all get surprised, but i never couldve imagined my marriage to matt would look like it does. before we got married, people said don't do it, you will ruin everything you have. after we got married, people told us to wait for the honeymoon phase to wear off, because then it gets hard. not sure when it's supposed to set in, because all ive felt each day is happier and more sure of the decision each and every day since may 10, 2008.
to have a best friend, someone i can talk political issues with, someone that listens to issues i care about and as a result cares more about them himself, and someone who tells more more about issues he cares about and helps me care more as a result. to have a best friend that makes me laugh, our little world of nicknames and made up words, our voices when we are around each other, and to have it all with the academic conversation and the real interests beyond things between us but things much larger. i am also so blown away by how we have evolved from teenagers, 17 years old, and we are now almost 25, and our worldviews and philosophies and religions and perceptions and ethics and beliefs have changed so much, but how incredible it is that they have evolved together. we have always generally agreed on the changes when they took place, and so many of them happened for their own reasons, when we were half a world apart matt in new zealand and me in spain, we changed on our own but oddly in the same way. we used to joke that maybe it all started with our SAT score (we got the exact same SAT score. the exact same number.) and that our brains were thus aligned somehow, although we know that is ridiculous. we both don't believe in one-person-for-every-person romance fairytales. im sure we could find other suitable people, although im sure i can speak for both of us in that it isn't something we have reason to think about. all i know is that we are simply lucky, extraordinarily lucky. we have done nothing to deserve such a healthy incredible bond and support system in marriage. just like a battered woman has done absolutely nothing to deserve her abuse. for us, our marriage is a source of strength, a foundation with which both of us can feel strong enough to jump off into the world and push for real change. i absolutely would not be where i am - not even close - without the support i have in matt. where i am going, i wouldn't be able to go without him. it is easy to say you are strong and independent, but in reality we all need the love and support from friends family and our closest loved ones to keep moving forward. and im absolutely unafraid and unabashed in the pride i have for who matt is, and who we are as a couple. i find myself dreaming of our future, when we have our children, and raise them together. sometimes when we are travelling, we cant resist talking about what kinds of trips we want our children to experience, how we want them to know and love nature and want to protect it, to support them the way our parents supported us. matt and i are incredibly lucky not only to have eachother, but to have the families that we have. it is truly our inspiration to go out and change the world. and i hope that in some way, our parents too feel proud that they have contributed something to the world by raising such motivated and caring children.
i love you so much matthew jay.
love,
your suz
im blown away by so many things, things i have witnessed, things in the world, things in my life, we all get surprised, but i never couldve imagined my marriage to matt would look like it does. before we got married, people said don't do it, you will ruin everything you have. after we got married, people told us to wait for the honeymoon phase to wear off, because then it gets hard. not sure when it's supposed to set in, because all ive felt each day is happier and more sure of the decision each and every day since may 10, 2008.
to have a best friend, someone i can talk political issues with, someone that listens to issues i care about and as a result cares more about them himself, and someone who tells more more about issues he cares about and helps me care more as a result. to have a best friend that makes me laugh, our little world of nicknames and made up words, our voices when we are around each other, and to have it all with the academic conversation and the real interests beyond things between us but things much larger. i am also so blown away by how we have evolved from teenagers, 17 years old, and we are now almost 25, and our worldviews and philosophies and religions and perceptions and ethics and beliefs have changed so much, but how incredible it is that they have evolved together. we have always generally agreed on the changes when they took place, and so many of them happened for their own reasons, when we were half a world apart matt in new zealand and me in spain, we changed on our own but oddly in the same way. we used to joke that maybe it all started with our SAT score (we got the exact same SAT score. the exact same number.) and that our brains were thus aligned somehow, although we know that is ridiculous. we both don't believe in one-person-for-every-person romance fairytales. im sure we could find other suitable people, although im sure i can speak for both of us in that it isn't something we have reason to think about. all i know is that we are simply lucky, extraordinarily lucky. we have done nothing to deserve such a healthy incredible bond and support system in marriage. just like a battered woman has done absolutely nothing to deserve her abuse. for us, our marriage is a source of strength, a foundation with which both of us can feel strong enough to jump off into the world and push for real change. i absolutely would not be where i am - not even close - without the support i have in matt. where i am going, i wouldn't be able to go without him. it is easy to say you are strong and independent, but in reality we all need the love and support from friends family and our closest loved ones to keep moving forward. and im absolutely unafraid and unabashed in the pride i have for who matt is, and who we are as a couple. i find myself dreaming of our future, when we have our children, and raise them together. sometimes when we are travelling, we cant resist talking about what kinds of trips we want our children to experience, how we want them to know and love nature and want to protect it, to support them the way our parents supported us. matt and i are incredibly lucky not only to have eachother, but to have the families that we have. it is truly our inspiration to go out and change the world. and i hope that in some way, our parents too feel proud that they have contributed something to the world by raising such motivated and caring children.
i love you so much matthew jay.
love,
your suz
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
our return to the amazon
hi everyone!
about a month ago now (!) - my family came to visit and we spent a solid 5 days on the Tambopata River in the southern Amazon Basin of Peru. the experience was astounding and unforgettable, even with the 100% humidity, the sneaky mosquitoes, and the ridiculously hot weather. it is also a protected area of the Amazon- so it was mostly just you, your guide, and endlessly impenetrable jungle.
matt was hooked on the amazon after that trip - and as someone passionate both about wildlife and conservation, its no surprise. so after arriving in Bolivia, my MFI's president told us we absolutely had to go to the Bolivian Amazon Basin before rainy season starts - as thats when Dengue fever becomes rampant. he got us an extraordinary deal on the trip, which entailed four days (Friday-Mon) on a floating hotel down rio mamoré. this river is much bigger than tambopata, and we cruised it in the Beni department of Bolivia. the river's size afforded us the awesome opportunity to both spot and swim with pink river dolphins - and we even went fishing for piranhas (each of us caught one, but of course matt wanted to throw his back!). a swiss couple we are friends with here in Cochabamba, sebastian and sara, joined us on the trip. seb works with me at my MFI. we all had a great time.
the area of Beni department we were in is totally unprotected. now, to draw a fair portrayal here, there are tons of protected national parks in Bolivia's Amazon, this just wasnt one of them. likewise, in Peru, much of their Amazon is unprotected. the sheer size of the amazon itself takes up over half of these countries' land, so we must be understanding of how it works.
across from where our flotel (floating hotel) was docked for one night, there was a blazing fire in the jungle, so close you could see nearly all the flames below the tunnel of smoke above. it was the local people, indigenous communities that have lived in the area for eons, who were responsible for the burning. they burn the land so that they can use the burned space to grow crops, but the fertility of the soil depletes after just three years. so they burn more of the jungle, and begin the process over. but we were able to meet these people, to get to a place where we understood their perspective, and to be inspired that one day, these people will learn more sustainable land fertilization tactics, rather than simply burning the jungle for more space. the scene was so heartbreaking, as you couldnt help your gaze from imagining the monkeys fleeing that area in panic, the birds abandoning their nests, the trees that have been building themselves for centuries - instantly destroyed.
but that is why it is important to see those different faces of the Amazon, the protected raw beauty, the reality of its future, the true compassion of its indigenous, and the value in helping protect this paradise of biodiversity. to learn more and check out a phenomenal organization on the ground here, visit http://www.conservation.org/explore/priority_areas/wilderness/Pages/amazon.aspx
love
suzy
about a month ago now (!) - my family came to visit and we spent a solid 5 days on the Tambopata River in the southern Amazon Basin of Peru. the experience was astounding and unforgettable, even with the 100% humidity, the sneaky mosquitoes, and the ridiculously hot weather. it is also a protected area of the Amazon- so it was mostly just you, your guide, and endlessly impenetrable jungle.
matt was hooked on the amazon after that trip - and as someone passionate both about wildlife and conservation, its no surprise. so after arriving in Bolivia, my MFI's president told us we absolutely had to go to the Bolivian Amazon Basin before rainy season starts - as thats when Dengue fever becomes rampant. he got us an extraordinary deal on the trip, which entailed four days (Friday-Mon) on a floating hotel down rio mamoré. this river is much bigger than tambopata, and we cruised it in the Beni department of Bolivia. the river's size afforded us the awesome opportunity to both spot and swim with pink river dolphins - and we even went fishing for piranhas (each of us caught one, but of course matt wanted to throw his back!). a swiss couple we are friends with here in Cochabamba, sebastian and sara, joined us on the trip. seb works with me at my MFI. we all had a great time.
the area of Beni department we were in is totally unprotected. now, to draw a fair portrayal here, there are tons of protected national parks in Bolivia's Amazon, this just wasnt one of them. likewise, in Peru, much of their Amazon is unprotected. the sheer size of the amazon itself takes up over half of these countries' land, so we must be understanding of how it works.
across from where our flotel (floating hotel) was docked for one night, there was a blazing fire in the jungle, so close you could see nearly all the flames below the tunnel of smoke above. it was the local people, indigenous communities that have lived in the area for eons, who were responsible for the burning. they burn the land so that they can use the burned space to grow crops, but the fertility of the soil depletes after just three years. so they burn more of the jungle, and begin the process over. but we were able to meet these people, to get to a place where we understood their perspective, and to be inspired that one day, these people will learn more sustainable land fertilization tactics, rather than simply burning the jungle for more space. the scene was so heartbreaking, as you couldnt help your gaze from imagining the monkeys fleeing that area in panic, the birds abandoning their nests, the trees that have been building themselves for centuries - instantly destroyed.
but that is why it is important to see those different faces of the Amazon, the protected raw beauty, the reality of its future, the true compassion of its indigenous, and the value in helping protect this paradise of biodiversity. to learn more and check out a phenomenal organization on the ground here, visit http://www.conservation.org/explore/priority_areas/wilderness/Pages/amazon.aspx
love
suzy
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
fun post!
do you like women in hats?
i know i do!!!!
check out the new post I wrote on the KF blog about them :)
http://fellowsblog.kiva.org/2009/09/22/women-in-hats/
love,
Suzy
i know i do!!!!
check out the new post I wrote on the KF blog about them :)
http://fellowsblog.kiva.org/2009/09/22/women-in-hats/
love,
Suzy
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